One thing that I’ve always done in life, even when it’s been to my detriment, is to acknowledge the reality of situations I’m in with other people. This means calling out uncomfortable emotions (my own), or openly speculating about others’ emotions, as well as marking, out loud, the absurdity or awkwardness of whatever situation we’re in.
I didn’t read about this, or learn it from anyone (as far as I know). It’s been a byproduct of, I guess, my shamelessness and belief in the importance of honesty. No, that’s probably giving myself too much credit.
The fact is, I’m not a good liar. I never have been. And when you can’t hide very well, the best thing to do is burn down all the cover so nobody else can hide, either.
That’s the more pessimistic way to explain why I am so eager to lay bare everything. Another good analogy is the dog that lays down to expose its belly. At the very least, I hope to demonstrate a humility that will hopefully be disarming; at best, I’ll get some tummy scratches.
See, we all live like actors in a play who can’t acknowledge the script or the scenery or the audience even though we all know that we all know they are there. When someone has been rude to us and we don’t know if it was on purpose or not, we spend our waking hours (and even our sleeping ones) trying to read their minds, discern their motivations.
Instead, it’s much easier for everyone–even if not at first–to simply ask the other person about their own intentions, and do it in such a way that they don’t feel the need to hide them. It cuts to the chase. It gets to the issue at hand.
So much time can be saved this way, and so much stress and anxiety and heartache. Just tell people how you feel, or tell them you don’t know how to feel, or tell them you felt one way but now you feel another way. And then ask them how they feel.
Open up to them. Talk about the reality, don’t just go through the motions. If there is a fire on stage, don’t just keep performing the play for the sake of maintaining the illusion. Deal with the fire. Talk about the damage. Investigate the cause.
Explore the stage, question the script, change the lines if you see fit.
The Vulcan Buddha 