Meditation #57: The only difference between you and them is…

Remember: the next time that someone angers you or frustrates you, or you just find yourself looking at how they behave and thinking, “Why? Why?“, the biggest difference between you and that person is that you aren’t that person…and if you were, their motivations would make exactly as much sense to you as they do to them.

Put another way, if you found yourself behaving the way they do, you wouldn’t think it strange or irritating. It would be perfectly normal to you, and you’d have (to your mind) a valid explanation.

So keep that in mind the next time you don’t understand someone else. The only thing keeping you from understanding them is that you aren’t them!

Meditation #54: Your mind is a room.

Your mind is a room, and the thoughts that reside there are things.

Just like in a physical room, the things can be useful–like furniture–or useless–like knick-knacks. Clutter. Junk. Distractions.

You look at them every day and go, “One of these days I’m gonna get rid of that thing.”

Make that day today. It takes no effort; just let it go.

Forget the thing is there, and it won’t be there.*

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*It may sound simplistic, but it’s actually true. If you are mad at someone, you don’t stay mad at them even when you’re not thinking about it; you literally can’t be. You are only mad when you remember being mad.

If someone stole your car, but just before they left they hit you with a laser beam that erased the incident from your mind–in fact, you forgot you even ever owned a car–do you think you would be mad at them for stealing it? No! How could you be?

There’s no “mad” chemical that is coursing through your brain. It’s a state of mind that must be constantly renewed.

Don’t hold onto the thoughts that make you angry/anxious/sad, and you won’t be angry/anxious/sad.

You can’t be mad about something you don’t know.

When you’re in the car and someone cuts you off, and you find yourself getting mad, try to remember that you don’t know anything about the person in the other car.

You may think you know who they are. They’re a jerk. They’re thoughtless, careless, selfish, reckless.

But you don’t know that. The person you’re imagining in your head is a composite of all the drivers who have ruined your day in the past. It’s as if whatever car is used to perpetrate the moving injustice against you, it’s always driven by the same nebulous, nefarious roadway villain with a blurry face and not a care in the world.

Truth is, though, you probably don’t know what the person who cut you off looks like. You don’t know if they’re a man or a woman, in some cases. You certainly don’t know their name, where they came from, if their parents are still alive, if they know someone who survived cancer–or someone who didn’t survive. You don’t know their favorite album, their favorite movie, their favorite kind of food.

And if you don’t know any of those things about this person, how can you possibly know the one thing that is actually relevant to this situation:

Why did they cut you off?

Are they really selfish? Were they distracted? Are they just a bad driver?

Instead of applying any of those possible scenarios to them, which only serve to fuel your anger, be gracious and give them the benefit of the doubt. Remember that you have undoubtedly cut someone off in the past, probably more than once. Maybe you didn’t realize you did it. And maybe neither did this person.

Maybe you had a really good reason. And maybe does this person.

Maybe it was the one and only time in your life you ever did anything like that and you later regretted it.

And maybe the same goes for this person.

The truth is, getting angry at someone on the road for how they drive is just about the most futile waste of mental energy ever invented by mankind. It’s literally shouting in the void–or into the traffic, as it were.

It’s futile. It accomplishes nothing. It’s anger for the sake of itself.

So next time you find yourself fuming at another driver, stop and ask yourself what you really know.

You can’t be mad about something you don’t know.

Meditation #20: Be slow to anger.

Be slow to anger, and quick to forgive. Be even quicker to ask for forgiveness. Never be too proud of yourself to admit when you’re wrong. Never be too blind to your own flaws to recognize you may be wrong. And never be so committed to being right that you refuse to play the part of being wrong. If the choice is between winning an argument or continuing the conversation, always choose continuing the conversation.